Since I wrote my last blog... Many things in my life have changed. It is not like I moved somewhere or anything, I redesigned my room, I go to school, wake up every morning...I love my boyfriend still the same way as I used to since I met him...even more..

  I 'd been thinking when something occurred that this is the perfect reason to sit and write down a blog, but, I did not have energy..That's silly because I am so..so..lazy..I hate myself for that..

 Yeah..I turned 21 which is not a big deal in my country, and I celebrated it with my friends and my sister..I wish I could have a good relationship with my little sis...little..she is just 3 years younger than me, but I have a strong feeling and desire to protect her from everything..From everything I screwed up I do not want her to do it too. For instance she got a boyfriend. A boy, who so reminds me of my first "big love" and I was so desperate. I was 15 years old and made so many many mistakes, and one was that I dated him, but everyone needs to live through things which make people who they are. So she started to be a little bit sad about how their relationship developed, so I was trying to be like a big sister, not like her BFF. A best friend of a girl is after breakup kinda "supportive" like "I am on your side, he is stupid, maybe he will come back" and I was like" He will never come back, don't be naive, kido" and she hates me for that. For being honest, for knowing how it really goes. Yes, I believed that she could make it with him forever ever, but...be realistic, girl. I didn't have an opinion on him, just till he was weird at me. But I really hoped that he knew that when he is her first boyfriend he has to be amazing. For her it was. But then a situation came, he had a weak argument for breaking up and suddenly she just called me it's over.

I was so sorry for her, I still am because he is from her school, so she has to see him, and she is so perfect that she wants to be actually friends with him. I would never do that because I am weak to watch my "ex" meeting new girls and stuff like that.

And she is mad at me. Because I was trying to be there for her, I was trying to be honest about what she has to do. I invited her to the movies for cheering her up, I gave her tips about makeup and beauty, I told her how to act, and suddenly she just yelled at me, that it is enough and that I have to stop things. But she continues talking her stories about how she saw him at the bus stop.. And she said that she thinks she is just like a doll to me or something which I play with and manipulate and thats not fair.

I wish she understood one day what I was trying to tell her. Because now I look like a bitch. I really wanted to have a great relationship with her, I still do!

We used to dress like twins, we played every game, but always she was a princess and I was a prince or a nanny... unfair! We played with dolls barbies and stuffed animals, when I wanted to go somewhere I had to bring her with me... and then...it went away and we were always arguing..once, she made a scene about something and it was so hard for me, although I am older and she was yelling something like it is high time for me to move out from our house and things like that..So I just brought boxes from the attic and started packing. It was so horrible for me and she felt like she is the poor one. And family bonds are family bonds, stronger than any others. I hope she will just once come to me and say something like I love you, thanks for everything. I hope she will...Maybe when she will be over with this guy and she will meet the perfect one and will be able to talk about how stupid it was to cry over the spilled milk.